...I pray that for every 1 thing I said that didn't make the least bit of sense; that I said 5 things that were absolutely amazing...
ug... my stomach.
I'm a little bored w/a lot of stuff.
....but the time for change has approached.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Monday, April 26, 2010
Cussing in Church
A crusty old man walks into the local [take your pick of denominations] church and says to the secretary, "I would like to join this damn church."
The astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you... What did you say?"
"Listen up, damn it. I said I want to join this damn church!"
"I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this church."
The secretary leaves her desk and goes into the pastor's study to inform him of her situation. The pastor agrees that the secretary does not have to listen to that foul language.
They both return to her office, and the pastor asks the old geezer, "Sir, what seems to be the problem here?"
"There is no damn problem," the man says. "I just won $200 million bucks in the damn lottery, and I want to join this damn church to get rid of some of this damn money. "
"I see," said the pastor. "And is this bitch giving you a hard time?"
The astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you... What did you say?"
"Listen up, damn it. I said I want to join this damn church!"
"I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this church."
The secretary leaves her desk and goes into the pastor's study to inform him of her situation. The pastor agrees that the secretary does not have to listen to that foul language.
They both return to her office, and the pastor asks the old geezer, "Sir, what seems to be the problem here?"
"There is no damn problem," the man says. "I just won $200 million bucks in the damn lottery, and I want to join this damn church to get rid of some of this damn money. "
"I see," said the pastor. "And is this bitch giving you a hard time?"
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
bye, bye Boudreaux...
Today has been downright awful.
Yesterday I posted about a new addition, and as quick as I wrote that blog, he’s gone.
As previously mentioned, Boudreaux was as precious as can be. Yesterday, all he wanted to do was lie around. I got home from work and took him for a walk around my complex and the surrounding neighborhoods… (not b/c I wanted/needed to walk the dog, but b/c there was a horrible wreck across the street and the only way I could really get over there to see it was if I was walking the dog.)
Anyway, Boudreaux has SEVERE SEPARATION ANXIETY…. SEVERE. I THOUGHT, it’d be something that we’d be able to help him overcome. I knew it wasn’t going to happen overnight, but I thought he’d be able to “feel our love” and know that he was safe; and that even if we left--- we’d always come back. Boudreaux doesn’t like to play much… he’ll invest about 10 minutes of time into you, and then he wants to go back to sleep.
Separation Anxiety story 1: Yesterday when I got home from work, he practically knocked me over, he was so ready to finally get out of the crate and get some attention.
….he’s such an introvert that I can’t even begin to imagine what he went through to make him feel like he’s constantly in harm’s way.
All this mind…..
Neither Joe nor I had to work this morning; b/c we’re working a late shift… we both work until 9 pm.
This morning was a very lazy morning; we all woke up and all just lounged around. I watched TV and Boudreaux watched Joe play internet games on the computer.
Separation Anxiety story 2: When Joe got in the shower, Boudreaux just about had a panic attack b/c he couldn’t SEE him. He searched all around the apartment looking for him. He was more than delighted when Joe finally got out of the shower.
Separation Anxiety story 3: I’d printed off some reading material on how to crate train a dog, and one of the tips said to put the dog in the crate while you’re at home… that way (1) the crate becomes his den (2) he’ll learn that just b/c he’s in the crate doesn’t mean you’re not at home.
I asked Joe to put Boudreaux in the crate about 20 minutes before we left the house. He immediately started whining, but after he noticed we were still in the house, he stopped.
I guess Joe and I thought it was okay to leave b/c (1) Boudreaux was in the crate, and (2) he was just laying there.
Separation Anxiety story 4: Boudreaux was not okay. Joe and I walked out of the house together and Boudreaux BELTED OUT THE LOUDEST SCREAM I HAVE EVER HEARD FROM A DOG IN MY ENTIRE LIFE……. And as we walked down the stairs, it only grew louder.
I figured that he’d stop within a few minutes, but I was still really worried about him. SO worried, that I called Joe and told him, it wasn’t going to work and we were going to have to give Boudreaux back to his lawyer TO-DAY. I was going to leave work a little early so that I could make arrangements to drop him off. I also told Joe I was going to call the apartment complex and give them the heads up that we have a dog in our apartment.
(side note: an illegal dog that we have not put a pet deposit down for.)
I called the office and the answering service picked up. I said I’d call back b/c I had another call on the other line.
It was the office calling me.
“Hi, Tiffany… this is Gloria from the VOBF office.”
“Hi Gloria… I was just about to call you. We have a dog in our apart----“ she cut me off.
“Yes, a dog that you’re apparently, killing?”
“I’m sorry, what?”
“In the past 20 minutes, I’ve gotten several phone calls and visits from your neighbors and surrounding neighbors that have told me they’ve called the police and the SPCA b/c there’s a tortured pet in your apartment. The police are on their way, now.”
…………………………………..WTF?!..... soo…. the blood curdling, I’m being skinned alive scream, didn’t stop after 20 minutes.
Joe was on the city bus and I was more than half way to work. I had no choice but to turn around and go back home. I told Joe he needed to call his lawyer immediately b/c I was about to have to go fight the SPCA.
When I pull up to my complex; I drive straight past the police car like I have no idea what’s going on. I let my window down and can HEAR Boudreaux from (1) two buildings away (2) from my car.
I park my car and jet upstairs…. he starts barking b/c he can both smell and hear me coming.
I let him out of his cage…. poopy paws and all- he jumps right on me. Yep…. he’d shat himself in his cage.
Problems: (1) I can’t get him to calm down, I’m inside his cage trying to clean it and he’s licking my butt. (2) I’m now in tears b/c I’m doing it alone and there’s nothing ANYONE can do help me. (3) I’m mostly upset b/c all of my neighbors think Joe and I torture dogs. (4) My finger got caught trying to break down the crate.
I pack Boudreaux’s things, walk him down to the car…. And the second I leave his sight, he starts screaming again. I unload him from the car, and walk him back upstairs.
I have to carry his doggie bed, the lining to the crate, the crate and the dog downstairs in ONE TRIP. I was hysterically balling by this time and beyond frustrated.
I get everything squared away, and he starts dry heaving like he’s about to throw up…… needless to say I’m relieved when he only farts.
This entire shenanigan made me two hours late for work.
……I really pray that Boudreaux finds a good home… w/people that can stay w/him 24 hours, and the amount of attention that he craves. I forgot to mention that I was being thoughtful this morning when I left the house--- I left the radio on so he wouldn’t THINK he was alone…. I guess he saw straight through that.
I’m exhausted….. and a little perplexed about the contents of an extensive apology letter that I owe my neighbors.
Before I left (but in Boudreaux’s sight) I made an effort at making personal apologies, but the 1st lady shot me down so bad I got really discouraged about finishing.... to top it all off, I'm pretty sure our apartment is going to fine us for having a dog.
….FML.
Yesterday I posted about a new addition, and as quick as I wrote that blog, he’s gone.
As previously mentioned, Boudreaux was as precious as can be. Yesterday, all he wanted to do was lie around. I got home from work and took him for a walk around my complex and the surrounding neighborhoods… (not b/c I wanted/needed to walk the dog, but b/c there was a horrible wreck across the street and the only way I could really get over there to see it was if I was walking the dog.)
Anyway, Boudreaux has SEVERE SEPARATION ANXIETY…. SEVERE. I THOUGHT, it’d be something that we’d be able to help him overcome. I knew it wasn’t going to happen overnight, but I thought he’d be able to “feel our love” and know that he was safe; and that even if we left--- we’d always come back. Boudreaux doesn’t like to play much… he’ll invest about 10 minutes of time into you, and then he wants to go back to sleep.
Separation Anxiety story 1: Yesterday when I got home from work, he practically knocked me over, he was so ready to finally get out of the crate and get some attention.
….he’s such an introvert that I can’t even begin to imagine what he went through to make him feel like he’s constantly in harm’s way.
All this mind…..
Neither Joe nor I had to work this morning; b/c we’re working a late shift… we both work until 9 pm.
This morning was a very lazy morning; we all woke up and all just lounged around. I watched TV and Boudreaux watched Joe play internet games on the computer.
Separation Anxiety story 2: When Joe got in the shower, Boudreaux just about had a panic attack b/c he couldn’t SEE him. He searched all around the apartment looking for him. He was more than delighted when Joe finally got out of the shower.
Separation Anxiety story 3: I’d printed off some reading material on how to crate train a dog, and one of the tips said to put the dog in the crate while you’re at home… that way (1) the crate becomes his den (2) he’ll learn that just b/c he’s in the crate doesn’t mean you’re not at home.
I asked Joe to put Boudreaux in the crate about 20 minutes before we left the house. He immediately started whining, but after he noticed we were still in the house, he stopped.
I guess Joe and I thought it was okay to leave b/c (1) Boudreaux was in the crate, and (2) he was just laying there.
Separation Anxiety story 4: Boudreaux was not okay. Joe and I walked out of the house together and Boudreaux BELTED OUT THE LOUDEST SCREAM I HAVE EVER HEARD FROM A DOG IN MY ENTIRE LIFE……. And as we walked down the stairs, it only grew louder.
I figured that he’d stop within a few minutes, but I was still really worried about him. SO worried, that I called Joe and told him, it wasn’t going to work and we were going to have to give Boudreaux back to his lawyer TO-DAY. I was going to leave work a little early so that I could make arrangements to drop him off. I also told Joe I was going to call the apartment complex and give them the heads up that we have a dog in our apartment.
(side note: an illegal dog that we have not put a pet deposit down for.)
I called the office and the answering service picked up. I said I’d call back b/c I had another call on the other line.
It was the office calling me.
“Hi, Tiffany… this is Gloria from the VOBF office.”
“Hi Gloria… I was just about to call you. We have a dog in our apart----“ she cut me off.
“Yes, a dog that you’re apparently, killing?”
“I’m sorry, what?”
“In the past 20 minutes, I’ve gotten several phone calls and visits from your neighbors and surrounding neighbors that have told me they’ve called the police and the SPCA b/c there’s a tortured pet in your apartment. The police are on their way, now.”
…………………………………..WTF?!..... soo…. the blood curdling, I’m being skinned alive scream, didn’t stop after 20 minutes.
Joe was on the city bus and I was more than half way to work. I had no choice but to turn around and go back home. I told Joe he needed to call his lawyer immediately b/c I was about to have to go fight the SPCA.
When I pull up to my complex; I drive straight past the police car like I have no idea what’s going on. I let my window down and can HEAR Boudreaux from (1) two buildings away (2) from my car.
I park my car and jet upstairs…. he starts barking b/c he can both smell and hear me coming.
I let him out of his cage…. poopy paws and all- he jumps right on me. Yep…. he’d shat himself in his cage.
Problems: (1) I can’t get him to calm down, I’m inside his cage trying to clean it and he’s licking my butt. (2) I’m now in tears b/c I’m doing it alone and there’s nothing ANYONE can do help me. (3) I’m mostly upset b/c all of my neighbors think Joe and I torture dogs. (4) My finger got caught trying to break down the crate.
I pack Boudreaux’s things, walk him down to the car…. And the second I leave his sight, he starts screaming again. I unload him from the car, and walk him back upstairs.
I have to carry his doggie bed, the lining to the crate, the crate and the dog downstairs in ONE TRIP. I was hysterically balling by this time and beyond frustrated.
I get everything squared away, and he starts dry heaving like he’s about to throw up…… needless to say I’m relieved when he only farts.
This entire shenanigan made me two hours late for work.
……I really pray that Boudreaux finds a good home… w/people that can stay w/him 24 hours, and the amount of attention that he craves. I forgot to mention that I was being thoughtful this morning when I left the house--- I left the radio on so he wouldn’t THINK he was alone…. I guess he saw straight through that.
I’m exhausted….. and a little perplexed about the contents of an extensive apology letter that I owe my neighbors.
Before I left (but in Boudreaux’s sight) I made an effort at making personal apologies, but the 1st lady shot me down so bad I got really discouraged about finishing.... to top it all off, I'm pretty sure our apartment is going to fine us for having a dog.
….FML.
Monday, April 19, 2010
not cliché enough...
... I wrote an entire blog about clichés, and it wasn't funny, or the least bit entertaining--- so it's being replaced with this.
Boudreaux Driver...
He's part Border Collie & Pit. He's a little older than a year, and been in a shelter his entire life. He's never been in a home, and never had a name. He's the sweetest dog ever, and very lazy--- like me. He likes to take naps and doesn't like to be alone.
I came to check on him today during my lunch break, and when I was leaving, it sounded like I was skinning him alive b/c he was whining so loudly....doesn't like the crate... doesn't like to be alone. Last night before we went to bed, we put him in the crate and he cried like a baby for 10 solid minutes. I took him out and put him in the doggie bed by Joe's side, and he laid down and went right to sleep.
We're just 'testing him out' for the week to see if it works well. When we moved into our apartment, we had to get rid of our other dog for various reasons...
...this homeless dog needed a name, so Joe named him Boudreaux. Later he said, "Maybe I should consider naming him something I can spell, like Cruiser." ....so cute.
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