{Baptist church shout} THANKYA!!!!

I want to take a quiiick second to brag on me.

I am not overwhelmed w/school! Granted, it is DEFINITELY a lot of work, it’s encouraged me to have my head in a book or reading an article or doing something useful w/my life. I am very, very content w/this first week.

It was been assignment overload but I knew the first week would be tough. My advisor told me going in, “the first week will be the hardest”… and that has held true. I appreciate knowing that it’ll slow down a little, but I still want to be just as committed during the rest of the program that I have been this first week. Every day that I come home, I do something related to school work… and I want to keep that going.

When you’re excited about the work you’re doing- it actually makes you want to be better and do better. I am very excited about this journey and look forward to what’s in store.

Now, time to brag on me for a minute. This week, before Wednesday, I had 2 assignments to post. It is also an assignment for each person to read everyone’s assignments, and then reply to the they liked the most. Guess who had the most responses?! That’d be me baby, that’d be me! NO! it is not a competition, but I don’t give a crap! My papers were awesome! Clearly, I am the best writer on this ship!!!! Woooo-hoooo!!! I can’t wait to get feedback from my professors!!

And now the crappy part… I have to go read the awful responses from my classmates and find one that I “like.” I wish I could respond to my own post! :) I’m not being ugly, but I just feel like I’m in a league of my own.

But of course, to God be the glory b/c I’d be nothing and no where w/out my savior’s favor and grace.

{Baptist church shout} THANKYA!!!!

19. Start my masters program.

Today is the first day that I begin work on my masters in Higher Education.
Although it’s October 2010, I actually started researching programs in January of 2009. I’ve known for a while that I was ready to get a graduate degree but for some reason, I’ve been under the assumption that I needed to pay for it out of pocket.

I’m not really sure why I thought that was even an option- but it certainly isn’t! Financial aid is my new BFF (don’t tell O.)

Applying to grad school really kind of happened over night. I woke up one morning and told Joe, “Today; I’m going to look into getting my masters”…. And the next day, I was literally ready to apply.

I think since I already knew the program and school of choice, that it expedited the process a little bit. The first time I researched, I found a distance education program from Abilene Christian University (ACU).

B/C of my ridiculous work schedule, I cannot commit to taking a class on a particular day of the week so distance ed obviously--- makes the most sense for my lifestyle.

Each course is only 7 weeks long and there is no down time. Meaning, what most students typically learn in about 13 weeks, I am learning in half of the time. There is A LOT of reading, A LOT of class discussions and forums, A LOT of assignments, A LOT of video participation and of course a heaping load of writing {pretty sure my blog is going to suffer.}

Today is the first day and I’m already a little overwhelmed. I’ve had my textbooks about 2 weeks and even though class didn’t technically start until today, I started reading last week. This week’s work consists of 63 textbook pages, 4 assignments and 2 discussions… all due next Monday, and then module 2 begins.

To read w/comprehension and thorough process, I’ve estimated about 10 pages per hour. And this is taking notes in the margin, highlighting and rereading a sentence (when and if my mind wanders).

I get home at 6 pm and I’m in bed by 11 every night. That leaves 6 hours of study time each day. In order to be successful, I’m going to have to make huge sacrifices. No more TV and no more lounging around. I have to take advantage of EVERY free second that I have. I’ve committed to only responding to work related emails, during work hours. When at work, I need to also maximize that time so that when 5:00 comes, I am ready to get home and start w/my studies.

I know my blog w/probably suffer from lack of time; I pray that my relationship doesn’t…but Joe has been very supportive. {In all honesty, I'm willing to sacrifice the blog for a graduate degree---DUH!!!!}

Wish me luck… this may be the last update for a while.

A WORK IN PROGRESS...

I don’t like asking for help.

When I was growing up, {living w/my real Mom} I did everything by myself and for myself. I woke myself up in the mornings for school, got dressed and fed on my own and even made it to school w/out any assistance from an adult. When I got home, I was fed, homework done and ready for bed- without any assistance.

I spent the majority of my childhood being independent. I had to learn at a very early age that there’s no obligation for anyone to do a single thing for you.

If I need something- I need to figure out how to get it done--- on my own.

My mindset has adapted to think that people that can’t provide or do things for themselves are helpless. {It’s harsh- I know. But don’t get me wrong, I’m talking about well able bodies.}

There are two situations at the current moment that are really testing my patience.

Although, I’ve dedicated my life and career to serving people- it’s from a “teach them to fish” philosophy; “buy a man a fish and he’ll eat for a day. teach a man to fish and he’ll eat for a lifetime.”

Situation Number 1: I do not like to let people borrow/have “things”. I also don’t like TO BORROW things, myself. I always feel extremely guilty when someone buys or gives me something really nice. Maybe it’s b/c I don’t know how to express my gratitude--- or maybe it’s b/c I don’t want said person thinking that I’m incapable of providing/doing for myself.

The situation has presented itself to “help someone” by giving them something b/c we “have it” to give. We have two incomes, so we should be able to offer assistance to someone else. In my opinion, it’s the beginning of the end. Helping, in this particular fashion, sets the tone (for a lifetime) that this is an acceptable standard. My issue is not w/the person {LOVE that person to death}… it’s the concept that it’s okay to ask for “things” on a regular basis.

But if we say no (for whatever reason)… then I have to sit around and feel guilty about what we’re actually doing w/it that we weren’t able to give/lend it. If it’s money; whether it be, paying bills, getting a pedicure or going out to eat every day of the week…. I worked 80 hours a pay period to earn that money- so I should be able to do w/it what I want. {SIDENOTE: I don’t even like to let people borrow my DVDs!!!!}

Am I being selfish b/c I don’t’ like to let people borrow things?

I don’t think so, but not everyone agrees. I think I can attribute this to the fact that growing up, I didn’t have my own things so I may tend to be a little possisive over what I do have now {with reason}.

AGAIN… this is NOT w/everything….

Situation Number 2: PRIME EXAMPLE of why I don’t like to borrow things or ask for help.

I am borrowing something. It literally took everything that I had to even ask in the first place. I’d rather be HUGELY inconvenienced times a million, than to ask someone to help me. Joe is ALWAYS my first resort (and of course, I am shis.)… but there was nothing he could do.

So I asked to borrow something for 5 days. Today is day 1 and I’ve spent the entire day in tears b/c the borrower has literally cut me down to the dirt. I’ve apologized multiple times for my offense, but it’s taken w/a grain of salt.

A few things to point out: (1) When my offense was made, I swear to you- there were 3 bad options presented, I picked option C and the borrower flew off the handle. I have NEVER been belittled by anyone they way that I was today.

A lot of angry words were exchanged, “You shouldn’t even be here! I was so mad at you this morning that I couldn’t even text or call you! I cannot stand to look at you right now!!!!”

This awkwardly happened in front of about 20 other people but half of them in perfect hearing range to the royal chewing out that I’d just received. I spent the remaining hour covering my face and whipping tears from under my sunglasses.

Even while said borrower was talking, I was apologizing the entire time…. but my apology fell to deaf ears.

I couldn’t/can’t get the incident out of my head so I went 1 step further and sent an apology email.

The borrower continued to rip me a new one, and concluded the last lines of the response email with, “What you did was not right. It was selfish and inconsiderate. Enjoy your day.”

I promise…. that I considered all three options before I chose option C. I was already being a nuisance and trying to disturb as little as possible… and my choice caused the borrower to fly off the handle. When I chose option C, I honesty did consider the ramifications of both A & B and C seemed like the best option of the 3.

NOW… I feel indebted to said borrower. Now, I want to return that in which I have borrowed, but I borrowed it for a reason and there is no other way.

BUT THIS IS PART OF WHY I DON’T LIKE TO BE A BORROWER!!!!!!

When your intentions are pure and someone says that what you did was wrong, selfish and inconsiderate- it has a tendency to burn juuuust a little.

(2) What I did was NOT wrong, selfish nor inconsiderate. It may have been inconvenient but something cannot be considered wrong, selfish or inconsiderate if the intentions were coming from sincerity… which mine were.

I would educate the borrower on my perspective however; over the past month I have backed down waaaay more than is accustomed for me to do so…. because I am making honest efforts to “work on me.” I am a constant work in progress and this particular situation is a test of my growth.

I do bible devotions two times a day, from two different sources. I don’t do them every single day like I should, but it’s at least a few times a week.

September and October (FROM DIFFERENT SOURCES) have delivered the same principles.

(1) Practice humility.
(2) You don’t always have to be right.
(3) Live a peace w/those around you.
The morale: Avoid disharmony. It opens the door for evil to manifest in your life.

… so what next?

I have no idea.

Trying to put the principles into practice just makes me feel like less of a person b/c I’m not standing up for myself or what I believe to be fair and true. It’s obvious that I have to find a balance, but this is very new for me. However, I get the grave notion that when it comes to my spirit and what I (Tiffany Jewell Flenoy) believe to be honest and fair… is not what God says is right.

I desire more of Him and less of me and if this is the only way- then it is, what it is.

~~~~~~The bible says that if you have it, give it…. and if they ask more of you- give them more. Your blessings come from God. If you take care of His people, He will take care of you.

The bible says that God knows your heart and He has the final say.

…………………………and you wonder why I consider myself to be dysfunctional.

the dark before the dawn

You know it's darkest outside right before the break of dawn.

I'd say I shouldn't have gotten out of the bed today... but today has actually been one of many, many days.

...praying there are brighter days ahead.

...to get me through.

Don’t Be Surprised

TODAY’S SCRIPTURE
“Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when His glory is revealed”
(1 Peter 4:12–13, NIV)

TODAY’S WORD
It’s one thing to know that you’re going into a challenging season. You get prepared for it. You get mentally ready. But what about the difficulties that we don’t see coming? The unexpected crisis that catches us off-guard? Sometimes, it can seem so overwhelming that it almost knocks the wind right out of us.

The Scripture says that we shouldn’t be surprised by fiery trials. That’s because the forces of darkness would not be fighting against you if they didn’t know that God has something amazing in your future! Sometimes, those unexpected difficulties are just a sign that you’re on the right track. It’s always darkest just before the dawn appears. The enemy always fights the hardest when you are closest to your breakthrough. The key is to stay the course and keep fighting the good fight of faith. Keep your joy and keep declaring God’s Word over your future. God has promised that you will overcome every obstacle. You will defeat every enemy, and right now, I declare that you will fulfill your destiny in Jesus’ name!

A PRAYER FOR TODAY
Father God, thank You for walking with me in every season of life. Today, I cast all of my cares on You. I cast all of my difficulties, all of my questions, and all of my concerns. Thank You for working all things out for my good. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

that lil slut...

Today, my nephew {Trey, age 12} called me at work to tell me he broke up w/his girlfriend, Olivia. Olivia is like his 3rd girlfriend in the past month since school has started. A few weeks ago, I chaperoned the 6th grade dance and saw the CUTEST little black girl (Kayla) and thought, “OMG, she’d be really cute for Trey!” {Sidenote: All his other GFs have all been Caucasian. Granted, we’re like 1 of 10 black families in Katy and we love and appreciate all races, personally- I’d love and appreciate a little black girl in Trey’s life.}

About 20 minutes into the dance, I saw Kayla w/a group of girls doing the black girl thing; rolling her neck and shaking her finger in someone’s face, talking loud and stupid. I instantly changed my opinion about her being cute for Trey. She seemed fairly dramatic for a 12 year old and Trey is definitely not ready for that. I actually laugh at the thought of her doing the black girl thing to Trey, b/c I’m also pretty sure that he’d start laughing his damn self. I kind of feel like she’s the kind of girl that lets boys touch her boobs in the bathroom. {that lil slut}

Not only did Trey call to say he’d broken up w/Olivia, he also wanted to let me know that today he asked his new crush, Kayla to be his girlfriend- she’s supposed to give him the answer tomorrow {Friday}. Little does he know I’m praying that lil slut says no.

My sister and I are chaperoning another dance in a few weeks, and Kayla better hope she and Trey are broken up by then. I dare her to do something stupid to my nephew... I carry a pocket knife. {well, it's really like a fingernail clipper/nail file thingy...}
 

can't sleep

It’s 4 am and I can’t sleep.

Actually, I’m sitting in the bathtub w/a pillow and the computer b/c I don’t want to wake up Joe… why am I not in the living room? {relocating now…}

I’m a week away from my class reunion and at this point, I have a forever running ‘to-do’ list in my head. This afternoon, Amanda, Jenny and I met at the Briar Club to review a few last minute details… which actually ended in disappointment but whatever. I was briefly excited about the possibility of something new but my shimmer of hope quickly faded.

Tomorrow, Cassie and I are meeting to go over a timeline for the weekend and then we’re meeting again on Saturday w/the entire committee.

I am tired… is it bad that I’m just ready for this to all be over? I can’t even begin to imagine the HUGE weight that’ll be lifted on the morning of October 10th when I wake up and the reunion is over. I’m physically exhausted.

Don’t get me wrong; it’s been real and it’s been fun…. but it’s been far from real fun.

…I’m also EXTREMELY nervous about needing a PLAN B----- but that’s a worry I’ll have to keep to myself. Maybe I’ll tell Cassie tomorrow.

{p.s.... doing a little internet stalking and just got really pissed off.}