FORMER RESOLUTIONS
1. I wanted to stop using the handicapped restroom.
I kind of feel like it’s rude to use the facilities when I’m not handicapped. What happens where there’s a handicapped person w/restroom habits like mine (ie- waiting to the last minute to use the restroom)… they walk into the restroom and have to then wait on my non-handicapped ass to get out?? seems rude, and almost unfair- doesn’t it?... they’re already handicapped, isn’t that punishment enough---- now they have to wait to pee! NOT NICE, TIFFANY FLENOY---- NOT NICE!
2. I wanted to stop cursing.
I never even cursed all that much…. I’d absolutely refrain from using the “f” word; but would have liked to stop saying, “damn it; shit; hell and ass.” (yes- in that order.)
It should be noted that I wasn’t a foul user of them anyway- my statements normally sounded like this: “Damn it! There’s so much shit on the floor and I’m mad as hell… if I found out who did it, I’m going to kick their ass.” (just kidding--- nothing like that ever came out of my mouth.)
(side note: I’d made this resolution SEVERAL years in a row and when I changed the music that I listened to; the habit changed on its own…. it’s like I wasn’t hearing curse words every day, so they weren’t even in my vocab to use.)
3. I wanted to stop saying “retarded”
In the 10th grade I said “that’s retarded” in my science class. My teacher was EXTREMELY offended. She made me look up the meaning in the dictionary and write it 100 times on a sheet of paper.
When I turned my paper in, I noticed that she had a picture on her desk of a kid in a wheelchair….. got it--- stop saying “retarded”--- that offends ppl. (probably the same kid that would have to wait for me to get out of the handicapped stall…) Okay look, be that as it may; I went almost two good years w/out saying it! By the time I got to college, I was back to calling both people and things retarded. Now at 28, I try to use it less and less, but sometimes (most of the times) it just slips out! Like my post below---- I called not only people that wear Snuggies retards, but I called the Snuggie-maker a retard (a rich retard, but nonetheless; still a retard.) UHHH….okay---retard & retarded---- not good.
4. I wanted to stop parking in spaces marked “Expectant Mothers Only”
Not only did I park in the designated spaces at the mall and grocery store; I’d pull my pants up really high and pull my shirt down over my stomach as I pooched it out. I’d rub my baby bump and roll out of the car. I’d even go so far as hold my lower back………………………. that’s sad and pathetic---- disgusting, right? …..I did it a few weeks ago when I was out Christmas shopping.
5. I wanted to stop drinking Dr. Pepper.
Caffeine all together is bad; especially when you’re downing like 4 DPs a day. It’s a nasty, nasty habit---- but they’re sooooo good! I LOOOVE the burn of a fresh cold DP!
If I could have it my way, I’d drink only Dr. Pepper; all the time. I’d stop drinking water altogether and only drink brown carbonated beverages w/Dr. Pepper on the label. Setting this resolution is a waste of brain power b/c I KNOW beyond the shadow of a doubt that I’m not going to do it.
6. I wanted to call my grandmother once a week.
This is self explanatory of why it’s a good thing to resolve to do HOWEVER; my grandmother is old- and MEAN- and retired…. meaning---- there’s nothing to talk about on the phone. Granted I could spend the entire time talking about myself, I’d rather have an interactive conversation; you know--- one where we’re both exchanging words. I don’t think that ever lasted longer than the initial phone call.
p.s. she pissed me off on my birthday, I surely won’t ever resolve to this AGAIN IN MY LIFE.
7. I wanted to stop eating junk food.
I love all things bad; buttery popcorn @ the movies, strawberry shakes from Sonic, Rice Krispy treats, white powder donuts… the thing is--- I’ve probably been the same height and weight since the 6th grade so I’m not going to change much! (side note: being this height and weight at 28 is not so bad
Although, cutting those things out of my diet could give me about 10 pounds to work with…. it really isn’t going to go higher than 10 pounds. I want to be healthy--- but maybe not at the expense of giving up all things holy! I’ve learned over the years though that drinking PLENTY of water can help w/shedding those extra pounds AND I still get to eat crap.
I think until I’m grossly disgusted w/the way that I look----I’m always going to have bad eating habits. Maybe I’ll go on a diet when I have to buy a wedding dress---- but maybe not, I’ll be buying a wedding dress to fit me, not trying to lose weight to fit into a wedding dress.
Okay, okay…. so I’m HORRIBLE w/resolutions, but I’ll tell you what I can do & STICK TO! Lent… yes, believe it or not---- I can make a sacrifice for 40 days, but not do something to improve my overall life style for 365 days.
TYPICALLY, I give up the same thing every year---- salt. If you’ve ever eaten ANY kind of meal w/me, you’d know I love my salt. No offense to the chef, but I want to salt my food…. even if said chef has already salted it (and I just watched chef do it); I don’t care---- I’m adding salt.
Mama always laughs b/c I seriously do very well during Lent, but come Easter, I don’t skip a beat and go back to my old saltastic life style.
Going forward in 2010----- the only resolution I’m making is that I resolve not to resolve. In no way, shape or form am I capable of upholding my end of a resolution. Making a resolution is an automatic set-up for failure----I don’t want and/or need to know that I’m constantly going to fail at something.
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